2nd Evangelical Feminist (Part 3)

December 22, 2010

Before our difficulties began, one day as we were chatting, Kathy started to tell me about her “gentleman friend,” Mel. Mel came from a background similar to hers. He was the son of an evangelical Christian minister. In rebellion, he had turned to a life of “rock and roll and rebellion” (I translated this as engaging in sex, drugs, alcohol, and the like). Kathy told me that they were living together.

She told me that Mel was intelligent and sweet, but unable to get and hold a job. Apparently, he spent much of his time working out as a body builder. She knew he had the intelligence and charm to get himself a fine job (perhaps as a salesman), but he was entirely lacking in confidence in himself.

It was obvious that she desperately wanted him to propose to her and marry her. (Although she was not attending church, she still considered herself a “good Christian girl,” and living with a man in “sin” distressed her.)

Mel felt as a man he had to support Kathy. Actually, he was a fine “house husband,” a good cook and housekeeper. Kathy was fine with supporting Mel financially, but Mel was horrified at the idea.

She told me that periodically they would have a big fight and she would storm out and leave him, but then return.

I said, “This does not sound like it will work out. Perhaps you should just cut your losses and realize he is never going to change…”

At that point, Kathy astonished me by saying with some vigor, “No! No! I love him! I am not going to leave him.”

I was startled and decided to stop giving her advice. Looking back on the situation with perspective from years later, I now conclude that what Kathy (the evangelical feminist) wanted was, like Maria, a man who wouldn’t give her much shit. It was fine with her if she had to support Mel, as long as he let her wear the pants (so to speak) in the relationship.

Over time I actually met Mel a few times. He seemed like a pleasant, personable man. I could see no reason why he and Kathy would not make a fine married couple, but what do I know?

However, I figured that Mel would never break down and agree to marry Kathy. However, one week they made a trip to Nevada (not for gambling, but for what reason I don’t remember), and on her return Kathy surprised everyone at the school by telling us that Mel had married her in Las Vegas during the trip. As I had recently seen the zany Nicholas Cage film Honeymoon in Las Vegas depicting Cage as a reluctant boyfriend who finally breaks down and marries his lady love, I was struck by the peculiar coincidence. I could think of few people less similar to the characters in the movie than Mel and Kathy, but there they were, married on impulse, in Las Vegas.

Kathy told me after the marriage that after watching Mel with their dog, she decided not to have children. As I’ve always believed that 75% of the people who do have children should not, that seemed as good a reason for coming to such a conclusion as any.

About a year or so again I had an email exchange with Kathy. She and Mel are still married. She still likes to be in charge of everything, but she found a job at a community college where she prepares curriculum and seems to be in charge of enough stuff to keep her control urges satisfied. She said that she and Mel are still married, and he has become a minister (of what crazy denomination I have no idea) and satisfied his urge to be a preacher by marrying people. All in all seems like a happy ending for an evangelical Christian feminist.

4 Responses to “2nd Evangelical Feminist (Part 3)”


  1. I think interaction with a pet is a superb indicator of how someone will be as a parent. If more people paid attention to that, there would be fewer miserable children in the world.

  2. mommy Says:

    Just letting you know that I AM still a faithful reader and just caught up with your latest posts this morning. Blessings.

  3. modestypress Says:

    Mommy, I always appreciate your visiting and reading my blog. I know you are very busy, and I appreciate you taking the time.

  4. Spectra Says:

    Definately agree with David.

    I saw a friends friend snap out on her adopted dog for not sitting on it’s bed while she set the table for dinner. I mean she FREAKED out, screaching and red-faced – with no conern for our feelings and embarrassment for her at being such a friggin’ spazz-case.

    When, 7 months later, my friend called to tell me this woman was pregnant, and sounded all excited, I groaned to myself and thought, “Oh my God – that poor unborn child…she will have a childhood filled with her mother’s temper tantrums and threats and possible violence.”

    Then she had a second child, while the house was in foreclosure and she’d lost her job. The inevitable stress was going to heighten the pathos of the freak show that would be her home, I knew it. But visiting one night, she seemed very gentle and intelligent with the kids. Which means little – it’s how we act under stress, and her with her short fuse, that tells the whole truth of our nature. She is one of those controll freaks that is happy only when everything is to her liking. Otherwise, the vampire bitch emrges.

    Her and I finally had it out, online. She let me know just what she thought of me (and used words that actually described herself)I let her know just what I thought of her. And it was all, in the end, because I saw how she treated that dog. Which she later sent back to the pound anyway.

    NOTE: you cannot send your children back to the hospital.


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