2H Control of Adult Behavior

June 20, 2007

As many young children realize, Random Granddaughter came to the conclusion, I am in the hands of insane people who are much larger than I am and who operate by an incomprehensible secret code.

Much of this insane behavior revolves around food. Any sensible person can see that one can live for long periods of time on wholesome foods such as berries, watermelon, and chocolate chip cookies, despite the nonsense parents and grandparents spout about vitamins and balanced diets.

As a two-year-old, RG tried to crack the code. “But I really want to,” she said plaintively when an adult refused a perfectly reasonable request.

It didn’t work. She realized that she would have to dig deeper into the mysterious theory and practice of controlling adults. I am paying attention to this because Mrs. Random and I are babysitting RG for two days this week at the little house in the middle-sized city.

Random Daughter was giving us some tips on what to expect. Grandma B (her partner’s mother) recently babysat RG.

“When Grandma B asked RG what she wanted for lunch, RG replied, ‘You decide.’”

I listened in astonishment. This did not sound like RG at all.

My daughter went on, “She has realized that when she asks for something, she is often told it is not ‘good for her,’ or not ‘part of a balanced diet.’ Now she says, ‘You decide,’ and hopes it will be something she likes. For example, Grandma B said, ‘How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? As RG likes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, she figured she might be on to something in her quest to control adult behavior.”

However, as a scientist, she realizes that she must collect many data points, I thought. Sadly, she will frequently be disappointed as she keeps trying this method.

“The other thing she tries,” my daughter continued, “Is to mumble when she tells you what she wants to eat. She hopes that you will misunderstand her, but in a way that works out for her benefit.”

I can see that her development and maturation is proceeding rapidly. Many adults are known to mumble when asking a boss for a raise or a significant other for an unusual erotic variation.

However, RG will soon realize that any oppressed group seldom achieves progress without group action. By the time RG is four, I expect she will join forces with her best friend Mia (who shows a burgeoning talent for ordering people around) and organize a SWAT team of preschoolers to descend on her house to demand from Mommies they grant RG the right to eat the diet she considers appropriate.

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4 Responses to “2H Control of Adult Behavior”

  1. jennymac Says:

    I admire your daughters’ honesty with RG. I, OTOH, “re-named” some food items. At two years of age, my boys thought broccoli florettes were “trees” to be eaten by little dinosaurs (them). When they were five, I prepared a very special meal of squid and octopus which was actually made out of imitation crabmeat. I really don’t feel too guilty, they will try anything and eat things I don’t. Yet, I must admit, I have never, ever prepared liver and onions…. sadly, they just might like it… But, I very much doubt it. Feel the love, jen

  2. jennymac Says:

    Oops, I forgot my point which was, I am not a well behaved adult……

  3. modestypress Says:

    “Not very well behaved adult.”

    My long lost sister I never knew I had!


  4. She sounds like a very clever child, indeed. I can remember watching older children and thinking that you only got stupider the older I got. I was a frightfully serious child, at times.


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