3R You’re the Wrong Size to Shoot this Air Rifle
August 14, 2007
When Mrs. Random and I went over to the Friendly Neighbors for air rifle instruction, my wife expected that she would get a chance to practice with the rifle as well.
However, Mr. FN mentioned two disturbing facts:
- His wife is a better shot than he is.
- The air rifle scope has to be adjusted for a person of a certain size (height and arm length, primarily)
He and I are about the same size. (About 5′ 11”.)
My wife and Mrs. FN are about the same size. (About 5′ 1”.)
My wife considers this diagnosis and prescription as representing some sort of sexist bias against her being allowed to shoot.
There are two phenomena of modern life my wife (a short person with a modest bosom) does not consider the least bit amusing:
- The Randy Newman song, “Short People.”
- The large bosoms on Playboy centerfolds.
However, Mrs. Friendly Neighbor agreed with her husband’s diagnosis on the scope setup. “I can’t use his gun,” she said. “It’s all wrong for me in how it is set up. It is impossible for me to aim it with the scope set up for his height and reach.”
In the face of these twin arguments, my wife subsided, though I can tell she still thinks somebody is having her on in this regard, as the Kiwi expression goes.
The Friendly Neighbors also mentioned that Mrs. FN owns an air pistol. At one point their rifle malfunctioned, and had to be shipped back to the manufacturer for repairs. During that bleak period of bunny menace, they were entirely dependant on her air pistol for defense against the bunny hordes.
“By the way,” Mrs. Friendly neighbor told my wife and me in an unemotional way. “They’re not ‘bunnies.’ They’re rabbit pests. When we shoot enough of them, they get the point and stay away from our garden for a while. But after enough time passes, they come back again, and we have to start killing them again.”
Next: The Randoms go into battle for the first time.