The Future of Zucchini

September 19, 2007

Mrs. and Mr. Random had the following conversation.

Mrs.: “The plant breeders keep breeding zucchini plants that produce more and more zucchini fruit. Why don’t they turn their attention to creating plants that produce few and fewer fruit?”

Mr.: “Dear, as usual, you are completely out of step with everyone else in our society. Everyone else wants—more, more, more—no matter what it is, it has to be more.”

Mrs.: “Hmph!”

Mr.: “You want to get one of those ‘Four in one’ apple trees like the Friendly Neighbors have, where four different types of apples are grated on to one root stock. I don’t know why the same principle could not be applied to vegetables. We could have a zucchini stock that also grows cucumbers, and pumpkins, and crookneck squash as well as zucchini.”

Mrs.: “The other fruit would not have a chance. I would go out and find the other fruit lying on the ground after the zucchini had strangled them.”

 Mimes a throttled cucumber.

16 Responses to “The Future of Zucchini”

  1. Cameron Says:

    You could run a whole farmer’s market from just one plant!

  2. modestypress Says:

    As the current plant (which only produces one fruit is apparently trying to take over the world, I don’t know if we really want to go there.

  3. vroni1208 Says:

    Hahaha! The phrase “a throttled cucumber” brought the 12 year old out in me! 🙂 *tee-hee* *snort* *giggles* (Sorry…)

  4. Cameron Says:

    If I told you I didn’t know there was such a thing as a “four-in-one” tree, you’d just make fun of me again! 🙂

  5. modestypress Says:

    No, Cameron, I won’t. With fruit trees, one kind of fruit tree can be “grafted” (spliced) on to the roots and trunk of another kind of tree. The “flesh” (so to speak) of one kind of tree can merge with the “flesh” of another kind of tree. They than grow together.

    In a sense, this is similar to what happens with humans when doctors make a kidney transplant or heart transplant.

    Obviously, this is very difficult in the case of humans and requires a lot of genetic matching and extensive use of drugs to overcome the body’s (usually sensible) tendency to “reject” foreign tissue.

    Plants are often (not always) less fussy about such merging, so it is quite common to have an apple tree that is really four kinds of tree merged into one.

    When one thinks about it a lot, it does seem rather creepy, does it not?

    The big issue in our garden is that the main purpose of the crab apple is to fertilize Mrs. Random’s beloved Spitzinberg tree. The crab apple and the Spitizinberg were supposed to flower at the same time but didn’t quite…I feel myself drifting into naughty discourse here…let’s say they were not properly synchronized in their timing. ahem. Mrs. Random’s theory is that a four in one tree will flower at enough different times that the Spitzinberg should…well, ahem.

    By the way, the Spitzinberg apple was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite apple tree. It’s fruit just does not transport and keep or travel well, so it is not grown for market.

    Our Spitzenberg managed to produce one apple. Most of the crab apples were ruined–perhaps by maggots–so we don’t know if the beauty of the one Spitzenberg is only “skin deep.”


    Although I got silly at the end, my intent was not to make fun of you, just to be pedantic about horticulture.

  6. renaissanceguy Says:

    More zucchini talk? This is turning into the zucchini blog.

  7. modestypress Says:


    I am sorry that the blog has turned into the zucchini blog. However, what do you expect from a plant that is trying to take over the world?

    Actually, I am getting close to the end of my zucchini adventures. Thank you for your patience with this obsession.

  8. Average Jane Says:

    Talking about grafting since we seem to be on the topic, a grafting of people would serve a lot of purpose too. A generous dose of Holley in David, Rhiannon in me.. probably Rhi in all of us! And you should be grafted with all of us or we could all be grafted together and David would probably smother us all!

  9. modestypress Says:

    After Jane’s comment, I can hardly breath. I need my space!

  10. Vicky Says:

    I cannot believe how many comments this thread has generated!!!

    LOL at your # 9 Random!

  11. modestypress Says:

    Vicky, the comments blooming on this thread are sort of like…no, I can’t let myself say it. I’m sorry I even thought it.

  12. You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

  13. Vicky Says:

    Oh David, that is bad. (But it fit – I can see why you gave into the temptation to post!) 🙂

  14. modestypress Says:

    I’m not sure zucchini should be allowed to grow in public.

  15. janie Says:

    I think you are going to have to train your garden bunnies to eat only the zucchini. However, that may pose the risk of creating a race of superbunnies.

  16. modestypress Says:

    The bunnies are super at one activity: creating more bunnies. The whole adventure of the air rifle began when my wife saw a mother bunny and nine baby bunnies sitting outside the garden. The sight filled her with indescribable horror, which she described to me in some detail.

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