Do Moles Eat Zucchini?

September 30, 2007

Although I am not a person of tact or particularly good manners (as my wife frequently reminds me), once in a while I try to warn people of something to avoid on my blog.

They seem to pay no attention. For example, I warned Rhiannon not to read about my bunny-slaying activities. Does she pay sensible attention to my caution? No, she reads and then chastises me for not eating the bunnies!

In this case, Kyle, I have a least one more zucchini post I am compelled to share. I presume you, also, will feel compelled to read it anyway, and then lament about a surfeit of zucchini. Well, Mr. Zucchini, surfeit is your middle name, and Renaissance Man, my dear reader, you should not read any further, but probably you will.

Everything in the following post is true.

After I told my wife about how much my Bulgarian co-worker, Zlatina, loves zucchini and eagerly adopts all the fruit I bring to work and intends to grow some Seeds of Change zucchini next year, she said, “We have more seeds than we need. I was going to give the Friendly Neighbors some seeds, but perhaps we have enough to share with Zlatina as well.”

The next morning I headed for the ferry to begin my journey to work.

Although I observed no dark-clad Coast Guard Special Forces personnel on the ferry, I observed a small, swift Coast Guard patrol boat nearing the ferry as we prepared to begin our journey. The boat displayed small blue running lights, and a strange black device at the bow, something like a radar unit, but odd-looking. Was it an alien seed detector? I wondered.

At first, I was puzzled, and then I remembered I had a small, carefully sealed packet of zucchini seeds in my backpack.

As the ferry departed from the dock, the CG patrol boat turned around and followed beside us at a discreet distance. It accompanied us all the way to the mainland, but as we came within a mile or so of the dock, the patrol boat accelerated and arrived a few minutes before us. Were they gathering a SWAT team that would greet me as I disembarked the ferry and search me for alien seeds?

However, I drove up the ferry landing without incident and began driving toward work. Out of curiosity, I took an alternative route, one I seldom take, a route that takes me past a large airplane manufacturer and its adjoining airport.

As I was driving, I noticed, on a side street, a state patrol car positioned so it could observe all the passing traffic.

I had to concentrate for the next few minutes as this route has several lanes that diverge. Unless I carefully select the correct lane, I will end up driving many miles in the wrong direction. As I carefully navigated the correct path, I noticed a sinister-looking black car approaching me rapidly from the rear. It swerved around me, and continued to rush forward at a high speed. I estimated that it was doing at least 90 miles an hour as it shot forward onto the freeway ahead of me.

However, I continued on my long journey to work, noticing no other untoward vehicles except a large trailer truck with no visible markings whatsoever that drove alongside me for much of the way.

When I got to work, I observed that Zlatina (who only works part time), was at her desk. “I brought you a present,” I informed her. I handed her the packet of zucchini seeds.

She thanked me effusively. That was a few days ago. I haven’t seen Zlatina since.

I am wondering, was I merely an oblivious courier, part of some gigantic sting operation, helping to bring down a world-wide (if not galaxy-wide) zucchini conspiracy?

5 Responses to “Do Moles Eat Zucchini?”

  1. renaissanceguy Says:

    So, you just can’t leave it alone. Not only that you have to go and peg me to the wall. Oh, I wanted to stop reading and e-mail you a message of “I didn’t finish reading it. So there, Mr. Smarty-Pants,” but you KNOW I had to read it.

    It’s not that I dislike zucchini. I like it very much. In fact, I like it so much that my mouth waters when I read about it constantly on your blog.

  2. vroni1208 Says:

    This is indeed a disturbing turn of events…it sounds like the beginning of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”, and you are Donald Sutherland. I will no longer use emotion around you, just in case.

  3. janie Says:

    Love that zucchini!

  4. modestypress Says:

    Renaissance Guy,

    Stop drooling. It messes up my computer monitor.


    Stop emoting. It messes up my monitor, and makes the zucchini restless.


    Does your husband know about this?

  5. janie Says:

    Yes, Random, he does–he’s fond of it, too–one of our few compatabilities.

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