Does Not Play Well with Others

November 12, 2007

Renaissance Man, a fine gentleman who is being tortured by a dentist, tagged me.

I don’t play well with others. So I will not tag anybody who does not volunteer to be tagged. If you want to be tagged, post a comment in reply to this blog post. If you don’t want to be tagged, don’t post a comment. If you want to be diagnosed as not very smart, post a comment to this post saying you don’t want to be tagged.

Here are six peculiar facts about myself:

  1. I have no middle name. (My father hated his middle name. None of his five children have a middle name.)
  2. My uncle is a composer of modern, serious atonal concert music. He won a Pulitzer Prize and a MacArthur Fellowship.
  3. My cousin studied and learned Chinese in Taiwan, became the co-owner of the multinational company Graco (which manufactures baby furniture and baby strollers), and a millionaire. She is no longer alive and a library in Taiwan was recently named after her because she set up a foundation to help deaf children in Taiwan. (She was moved to do this because the youngest of her two daughters was born deaf and was the first child in Taiwan to have a cochlear implant.) Graco is now owned by the American company Rubbermaid.
  4. I attended six high schools in three states. When I was in junior high school, I was sent to the vice-principal’s office because I got into a lemon fight.
  5. I wrote four computer books on Microsoft Word for the Macintosh that were commercially published, the last one by Henry Holt. I once calculated that I made about $2.00/hr for the time I spent on writing those books. A boss I once had also became a writer. The last time I talked to him, the sales of a book he wrote had passed 500,000 copies in sales. He was making about $1/book in royalties. He once won an award for writers of computer books. The title of the book that won the award included the word “Principles.” Unfortunately, on the statuette (which I referred to as the “Nerdy”) he received as part of the award had a typo; so it appeared as “Principals.” After a lot of effort, I got him a new (corrected) statuette from the awarding organization and presented it to him as a surprise prize at the Office Christmas party. Eventually, after he stopped writing, he used some of his money to buy a tugboat and spent much of his time sailing his tugboat around in the ocean off the Pacific Northwest.
  6. My wife and I filed and won a major law suit against an environmental organization we believed was involved in illegal activities involving real estate investments. At the time we were deeply in debt (mostly not for reasons having to do with the miscreant environmental organization). We won a lot of money from the lawsuit (if you consider less than six figures but more than $3.99 a lot of money). We were eventually able to get out of debt, buy five acres of scraggly woods on an island, and build a small house and a large garden. I am tempted to leave the house in my will to be granddaughter on the condition that she live in it and garden organically, as well as a bequest for her to study martial arts with my niece who teaches martial arts in Maine, and also for her to study sharpshooting and other firearms/weapons training. The reason for the bequest is that I am a pessimist on the future of mankind, and doubt that the human species will survive to the end of this century. However, in my more optimistic moments, I think we will “merely” sink to “Mad-Max style” savagery. Thus I consider the proposed bequest as optimistic. My wife, daughter, and daughter-out-of-law would not be amused by such a bequest, so I may not follow through on it. On the other hand, I might follow through and make one of the readers of my blog as the executor of my will. Do I have any volunteers?

Obviously, that is more than six facts. Not only do I not play well with others, I don’t play well with my granddaughter, and I don’t even play well with myself.

I don’t think I am it.


10 Responses to “Does Not Play Well with Others”

  1. renaissanceguy Says:

    A few connections with you:

    1. I have Dutch friends with no middle name. Apparently it’s somewhat common in the Netherlands not to add a middle name.

    2. I’m a weirdo who actually likes atonal music.

    3. I’ve passed through Taiwan. I have owned Graco products.

    I’d rather not be the executor of your will. The way you predict the reaction of the ones you are leaving behind, it doesn’t sound like a fun job.

  2. renaissanceguy Says:

    Oh, yeah. The torture is over. The procedure was pretty much painless, although I do remember two things. I remember at least two of the shots that the doctor used to numb my mouth, and I remember the sound of the machine he used to grind or cut down my teeth.

    I’m doing okay.

    My wife forgot to give me the medicine to calm my stomach, so I have thrown up twice. I have now taken it and was able to eat some macaroni and cheese by swallowing it whole.

    The bleeding has mostly stopped.

    My mouth feels sore and my jaws feel like somebody punched me really hard.

    Fortunately, I was able to take another pain pill a few minutes ago.

  3. Vanni B Says:

    I’ve always admired your writing. And your sense of humor. Please. Humor us some more.

    Ha ha, I sound so humble.

  4. janie Says:

    I don’t have my own blog, so you can’t tag me. But if you could, don’t. I’m an idiot, and if you think you don’t play well with others, you should see how bad I am at it. Also, I do not wnat to be your executor. On the one occasion in which I was someone’s executor, that person had also not written his will to the liking of his heirs. For months, until the thing was finally settled, I got screaming, cursing phone messages from one of them. (Your family actually sounds too nice to do this, but I don’t know how strong their feelings are about what you want to do, either.)

  5. mommy Says:

    I know how to play the accordion. This is the most outrageous fact I know about myself.
    I would offer to execute your will, but am not currently giving my real name on blogs (ref: wmb)

  6. Average Jane Says:

    Oh, sure, I could be the executor of your will. I have seen them do it in the movies and it looks like fun.

  7. modestypress Says:

    I can see the attorney reading the will to my survivors.

    “His will says, ‘Average Jane in India’ has been named executor of the will.’

    As soon as we find her …

  8. I’m sorry — I somehow missed this,hence the tagging you twice. Geez, you must think I can’t read,or something.

  9. modestypress Says:

    That’s OK. I like the attention.

  10. Average Jane Says:

    Oh,but i thought that was were the fun really began!

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