Junior Archetype Corps

February 20, 2008


I stopped in a thrift store and browsed through the children’s books. I bought a copy of Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham for Random Granddaughter for a dollar. Probably most of my readers know this classic story, but as a refresher for those who need refreshment and an introduction for those who need an introduction: The little helpful pest Sam I am wants to serve the narrator green eggs and ham. The narrator does not want green eggs and ham.

At the risk of sounding immensely pretentious, this strikes me as the basis for an archetype for Random Granddaughter. (I see no reason why a four year old child can’t have her own archetype.)

My scheme (which enjoys no support from either Mrs. Random or our daughter) is to serve green eggs and ham for breakfast one day when the Barely Extended Family is visiting us on the island. Everyone will get ham and eggs colored green with food coloring, except for Random Granddaughter, who will get egg colored eggs and ham colored ham.

Later, I will explain to her: You already think everyone is crazy but you. I just wanted to provide a little supporting evidence.

She will not be amused.

10 Responses to “Junior Archetype Corps”

  1. Pete Says:

    I can’t wait to hear about this.

  2. modestypress Says:

    I am not a good cook, one of my multitude of failings. My wife told me with scorn this morning that it is difficult or impossible to create green eggs and ham.

    “What about food coloring?” I asked.

    “It will produce sort of green but very awful looking eggs. You won’t get anywhere with the ham,” she told me with derision.

    “There must be something else that will produce that effect,” I said.

    “If you want to poison your granddaughter, sure,” she replied.

    “She won’t be eating them; we will. Doesn’t matter if we poison ourselves,” I said.

    On that unsatisfactory note, I left for work.

    Someone who reads this blog can surely provide me with a (wholesome) recipe for green eggs and ham. RG and I will go out to the picnic table and have the meal away from all the other imagination-impaired and humor-impaired members of the family.

  3. vroni1208 Says:

    Oh there has to be a way. You can get green eggs by poking a whole at the top of the egg and putting the food coloring inside with a small dropper, then making them the usual way (over easy or sunny side up). I’m sure you could get the same effect using the food coloring and “basting” the ham. Of course, I’ve never tried any of this so I could just be blowing smoke up my….Whoville. 😉

  4. Vicky Says:

    Does the ham also HAVE to be green? It doesn’t say green eggs and green ham, right?

    RG will not have a boring life as long as you’re around “Grandpa”.

  5. modestypress Says:

    Duh. OK, the ham will be blue or something.

    RG has four grandma’s and three grandpa’s. We figured telling them apart would be confusing, so I suggested she call me the “crazy” grandpa. However, at three and four years of age, the word “crazy” doesn’t mean that much to her, so we settled on “silly” grandpa.

    Sometimes when Mommy or Mama says, “Grandpa” is coming to visit, she starts laughing. I think that’s a good sign, but I’m not entirely sure.

  6. Get a package of frozen spinach. Cook the spinach on the stove in an inadequate amount of water for a long time — longer than you’d cook it if you really wanted to eat it. If you do it right, you’ll end up with about half an inch of intensely green (and very bitter) water. I bet you’d get green eggs if you scrambled them, using that. They wouldn’t be poisonous, though I doubt they’d taste particularly nice.

    As for the ham, a thin layer of mint jelly, such as you can buy to serve with lamb, should do the trick. I’ve also seen jalapeno jelly that is a brighter green. But at any rate, the effect of green ham would be achieved either way.

    Ya gotta think outside the box here, my friend.

  7. Oh, and if you buy nitrate-free ham, it will be far less pink, and the jelly layer will color it more easily. Applegate Farms makes a Black Forest ham that is barely pink at all … it’s more the color of a cooked pork chop. I imagine that would be easy to influence with a layer of jelly. It’s not cheap, but no good joke is inexpensive.

  8. Vicky Says:

    Re # 5 – Sometimes when Mommy or Mama says, “Grandpa” is coming to visit, she starts laughing. I think that’s a good sign, but I’m not entirely sure.

    AWWWWWWWWW – that’s sweet.

    Re # 6 – spinach – That’s gross/disgusting David.

  9. renaissanceguy Says:

    Here are a couple of suggestions:

    1. Cut the ham into small cubes. Scramble the eggs and add a couple of drops of green food coloring. Cook the eggs and ham together.

    2. Make deviled eggs but add green food coloring to the mashed yolks before putting them back in the whites. (The ham won’t be green, but the egg yolks will be, as in the book.)

    3. The book shows fried eggs with a green yolk. If you want fried eggs, you could separate the white and the yolk, color the white, replace the yolk, and then fry the egg. It will be the reverse of what you want.

    4. I don’t know if you can still buy green ketchup, but if so you could put that on the ham. Or you could add green food coloring to mustard pretty easily (lots of kids don’t like mustard, though).

  10. […] is very tactful with her dad, but she was telling me that she doesn’t want me to do the green eggs and ham experiment when the Barely Extended Family comes to visit us in a week’s […]

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