Expedition to the Pole
April 21, 2008
As a person who will retire in nine months (which is eight months and 30 days too long) and due to a life of improvidence and stupid mistakes does not have enough money put away to buy loo paper,much less other necessities of life, I have been trying to inch my pathetic little stock portfolio up a tiny bit. As my wife (who just drove up with another load of compost for our garden in her little truck) puts it, “We are land rich and dirt poor.”
As I check my portfolio on cnn’s web page, I notice that one day the stock market is wildly down and the next day it is wildly up. This behavioral pattern leads me to conclude that the stock market suffers from bi-polar disease.
Fortunately, secret sources (otherwise known as my imaginary friends) have informed me that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake has formed a partnership with famed psychologist Dr. Phil to provide mental health treatment for the market.
After Ben and Phil get done with straightening out the stock market, they will take care of my imaginary friends.