Expedition to the Pole

April 21, 2008

As a person who will retire in nine months (which is eight months and 30 days too long) and due to a life of improvidence and stupid mistakes does not have enough money put away to buy loo paper,much less other necessities of life, I have been trying to inch my pathetic little stock portfolio up a tiny bit. As my wife (who just drove up with another load of compost for our garden in her little truck) puts it, “We are land rich and dirt poor.”

As I check my portfolio on cnn’s web page, I notice that one day the stock market is wildly down and the next day it is wildly up. This behavioral pattern leads me to conclude that the stock market suffers from bi-polar disease.

Fortunately, secret sources (otherwise known as my imaginary friends) have informed me that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake has formed a partnership with famed psychologist Dr. Phil to provide mental health treatment for the market.

After Ben and Phil get done with straightening out the stock market, they will take care of my imaginary friends.

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7 Responses to “Expedition to the Pole”

  1. pandemonic Says:

    I am jealous of your short wait of nine months. In my case, it may be nine years. Or nineteen years. If that is the case, I will need some bi-polar drug relief, because I’ll probably end up hurting someone.

    🙂


  2. “Land rich and dirt poor” — that’s pretty good. I mean, it’s not good at all, but it’s pretty funny.

    I keep meaning to tell you that I did check out “Waiting for God” and have found it quite amusing. Every time I watch a British sitcom, I am always so refreshed and delighted by the fact that the actors look like real people. Even the good-looking actors look like real people. But that aside, it’s a great premise for a show, and it’s well done.

    I hope I look as perky as Graham Crowden does when I get to be his age. Hell, I wish I looked that perky now.

  3. modestypress Says:

    pandemonic:

    Your comment makes me think of the Alfred Hitchcock movie Strangers on a Train. I don’t think we should discuss it here in public any more.

    David,

    I’m glad you found Waiting for God amusing. I know you would deal with it constructively and forgivingly if I led you astray, but still…

    Based on a comment by truce, I have been watching One Foot in the Grave. The two shows are enough alike to hit the same vein of amusement (for the reasons you list), but enough different to be interesting in their own way. For one thing, I identify more with the main character in Foot and his situation is perhaps more akin to what mine will be if I manage to live through the next nine months to my retirement. However, he is shocked and resentful when forcibly retired. I might have been once, but now long for it.

  4. truce Says:

    Hurray for you having found ‘One Foot in the Grave’. “I don’t be-leeeeeeve it”.

    I’m nowhere near retirement, but I can’t see me ever having either the kind of job or the kind of financial nous to be able to retire comfortably… so I suppose I’d better get hold of some dirt and start stockpiling…

  5. janie Says:

    I am already retired. But having decided that I might need some more $$ in the future, especially because the whole economy has bipolar disorder, I am going to graduate school in the fall.

  6. modestypress Says:

    truce,

    Marry a very rich and very old guy. Then we he croaks, buy the husband you want and let him support you.

    janie,

    What will you study? As you know, my daughtter will be studying “medical statistics” if she ever gets around to actually starting her course of study.


  7. Strangers on a Train is awesome. So are you. I hope retirement treats you well, and that the stock market gets it’s act together.


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