Tomatoes Are Dangerous and Evil

July 9, 2008

When I was growing up, my mother told me that at one time most people considered tomatoes poisonous and refused to eat them.Tomatoes may be poisoning us. But maybe not. It might be something else. Cilantro, for example. My wife hates cilantro. As my wife often tells me, she is always correct, and I am usually wrong.

The FDA is investigating. They have been investigating for a long time. But they are not able to find out what is really going on. Their bungled investigation may have driven innocent farmers out of business.

When tomatoes are packed, tomatoes from different farms are mixed together so they look better when shipped. This clever marketing ploy makes it more difficult to discover where the allegedly guilty tomatoes came from.

In one message, I have demonstrated:

Truth is difficult to discover-hence, Radical Agnosticism, the world’s least popular religion, is correct. Old wisdom is better than new-fangled ideas. My wife is usually correct. Government bureaucracy causes much harm and usually fails to protect us. It fails to protect us from the evils of wicked capitalists, many of whom, even the virtuous and innocent ones, are harmed by government bureaucrats, even the ones appointed by conservatives, though they are probably not as bad as the ones appointed by liberals.

Oh, yeah, where’s the beef?


8 Responses to “Tomatoes Are Dangerous and Evil”

  1. Cameron Says:

    I read jalepenos were the current scapegoat. Better back away from the salsa! I tried cilantro for the first time Monday, and I kinda like it, at least in the chicken burrito I had for lunch. Clean taste, kind of like parsley.

  2. Pauline Says:

    I’m surprised anything toxic could survive being next to a jalapeno. It always amazes me how long our salsa lasts in the refrigerator, even when it gets shoved to the back where forgotten leftovers usually grow impressive crops of penecillin-wannabes. My husband normally gets sick if he eats onions (one of the weird side effects of his gastric bypass surgery), but not if they’re in salsa – salsa seems to kill everything it comes in contact with (works better than decongestants for cleaning out the sinuses).

  3. vroni1208 Says:

    Well, being a Mexican-American, I know cilantro is a staple in most of our food. I do enjoy its flavor, though I agree it’s an acquired taste. Also, my honey often tells me we put lime on everything! Well, the acids in the lime kills any bad bacteria. 🙂 It is a 3rd World country, after all!

    However, I am a firm believer that tomatoes are evil. Don’t like ’em, never have. But much like the vegetarian who eats fish, chicken, etc., I will eat salsa, ketchup, and things made with tomato. It’s a double-edge sword!

  4. spectrum2 Says:

    Have you heard about Lemons? 77% of lemons tested were contaminated with e coli (

  5. modestypress Says:

    Thanks, spectrum.

    I had trouble with the link above. Try this one.

    Trying to grow tomatoes in Puget Sound, though, is an exercise in self-torture. Though we don’t get tomato worms, which I saw plenty of as a kid in Southern California.

  6. pandemonic Says:

    True, tomatoes were once a poisonous vine. Technically, they are considered fruit, not vegetable, but who cares? A good one is gastronomical gold.

    I scoff at FDA and CDC warnings! [phhtt! phhtt!]How about this people? Wash your f****** produce before eating it!

    As long as we are linketizing the internet on your post, here’s one dear to my heart:

  7. teaspoon Says:

    I must agree with your wife on the topic of cilantro, which really does taste evil and toxic to me. This is most unfortunate, since I love Mexican food and Indian food, both of which seem to use an awful lot of that accursed herb.

    I spent 8 hours on a bus in South America once sitting next to a peasant woman holding what must have been a bushel (OK, I have no idea how big a bushel is, but it was a LOT) of cilantro on her lap. It was truly my personal hell.

  8. modestypress Says:


    If I am ever really angry at my wife–well, ok–I am only really angry at my wife about once a week–while on the other hand, she is really angry at me about every other day–but anyway, if I ever really want to communicate my displeasure–I will serve her a cilantro bagel for breakfast. Maybe with a side of eggplant, as she hates that as well.

    Which reminds me of a story about RG, Mama, and beets. But I will tell that in my blog.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: