Emergency Bake Sale, Yard Sale, Jumble Sale, & Brioche Sale

September 28, 2008

As everyone (well, everyone who is anybody) knows, I have been working (though not very well), on sponsoring a bake sale/yard sale/jumble sale (as they call it in UK) to raise money to fly trucie to Portland (or maybe fly Portland to trucie, my geography is shaky) so David and trucie can ruin whatever is not already ruined of their love lives.

However, an even greater emergency is at hand than thwarted and ruined love lives.

We (meaning you, me, and everyone else in the no longer so great United States of America) are bankrupt, and the rent is past due. We will be served an eviction notice any day now and tossed out on the street. I don’t know about you, but my street is the Pacific Ocean. I don’t know who for sure will be doing the evicting, but if they are wearing headbands and carrying tomahawks and bows I will not be surprised.

Our representatives, who are, to put it mildly, clowns, are planning to borrow themselves out of debt.

This does not work.

We need a rent party. A combination bake sale, yard sale, jumble sale and brioche sale, for all Americans, to pay the rent.

I think the British and the French should help out. We helped them out once or twice. Something about Germany. Now that I think of it, the Germans can help out, also. Perhaps a wiener schnitzel sale would be in order while we’re at it.

OK, we’ve got about a week to raise 700 Billion Dollars. I was trying to figure out how much that comes to per electoral vote, but I got dizzy. Somebody who is good at math help me out here.


11 Responses to “Emergency Bake Sale, Yard Sale, Jumble Sale, & Brioche Sale”

  1. Karen O Says:

    $259,259,259.26 per electoral vote.

    (I think.)

  2. Karen O Says:

    Did you see my new comment (from today – Sun., Sept. 29) on “Curses! Foiled Again”?

  3. modestypress Says:

    Yes, Karen. Thank you. I replied as a comment on that post.

  4. modestypress Says:

    $260,000,000 per electoral vote (rounding up a tad) is going to require a lot of very yummy muffins and a lot of very eager buyers.

  5. Karen O Says:

    I think I goofed. I think the decimal point should be one more numeral to the right, which makes it even more expensive!

  6. modestypress Says:

    It’s OK, Karen, Good enough for government work. Especially right now.

  7. pandemonic Says:

    I’m sorry. I’m selling the car and the motorcycle to pay for my spoiled brat daughter’s college tuition. Otherwise, I’d be right there with you.

  8. modestypress Says:

    So is your spoiled brat daughter part of the soution or part of the problem? What is she majoring in? Besides driving you bonkers?

  9. truce Says:

    You know what, when you made such a fuss about independence and insisted we leave, the country wasn’t in debt.

    And I seem to remember that little old Britain fought the Nazis, Italian Fascists and the Japanese ALONE for 3 whole years, bankrupting and almost starving ourselves, before you guys joined…

    If I were you, I’d put a headband on and get yourself a tomahawk.


  10. modestypress Says:

    After I scalp the palefaces and push them into the sea, can I take refuge with the Aborigines and hide out in the Outback from the cavalry?

  11. Mea Says:

    Good for people to know.

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