Emergency Bake Sale, Yard Sale, Jumble Sale, & Brioche Sale

As everyone (well, everyone who is anybody) knows, I have been working (though not very well), on sponsoring a bake sale/yard sale/jumble sale (as they call it in UK) to raise money to fly trucie to Portland (or maybe fly Portland to trucie, my geography is shaky) so David and trucie can ruin whatever is not already ruined of their love lives.

However, an even greater emergency is at hand than thwarted and ruined love lives.

We (meaning you, me, and everyone else in the no longer so great United States of America) are bankrupt, and the rent is past due. We will be served an eviction notice any day now and tossed out on the street. I don’t know about you, but my street is the Pacific Ocean. I don’t know who for sure will be doing the evicting, but if they are wearing headbands and carrying tomahawks and bows I will not be surprised.

Our representatives, who are, to put it mildly, clowns, are planning to borrow themselves out of debt.

This does not work.

We need a rent party. A combination bake sale, yard sale, jumble sale and brioche sale, for all Americans, to pay the rent.

I think the British and the French should help out. We helped them out once or twice. Something about Germany. Now that I think of it, the Germans can help out, also. Perhaps a wiener schnitzel sale would be in order while we’re at it.

OK, we’ve got about a week to raise 700 Billion Dollars. I was trying to figure out how much that comes to per electoral vote, but I got dizzy. Somebody who is good at math help me out here.