ShearWear PledgeCreep

October 15, 2008

 

 

I am almost never serious, but I am dead serious about the pledge drive for David Rochester. I have made this the permanent post on my blog site, so you have to scroll down to see the post of the day. It will stay here until we reach our goal.

I see that David has linked to this post on his blog. Earlier, he told us the address where you should send your contributions for the continuation of his blog. (It is a matter of some dispute whether the continuation of David is necessary for the continuation of his blog.)

Send your contributions in small, unmarked bills, to
“David Rochester”
4803 SE Woodstock, #202
Portland OR 97206

 

This is true. This morning I addressed an envelope to the address above. I slightly bungled the address, so I hope a) it will actually get there and b) David will laugh as he opens the envelope. A affixed a 42¢ stamp. I folded a sheet of scrap paper so squirrels crawling around in mail boxes won’t infer there is currency inside. I started to put four dollar bills inside, but then thought it might be too heavy. I took our the four dollars and added one five dollar bill. I am now ahead of my pledge of $1 for this week. I am now ahead of my pledge of $4 for this month. In November, I will only send $3.
In any respectable pledge drive (pausing as any comedian would, for laughter) contributors are offered premiums for contributing. Read ahead. Or behind. Blogs are funny that way. Oldest comes first, so it’s like reading a book backwards.

 

Shareware is an informal system for publishing and marketing computer software. For example, software companies give away programs (such as applications that let you send unwanted email to millions of people) and let you try them out at no cost. Aside from the possibility that some shareware programs may be programmed by idiots and may destroy your computer, there is little risk involved in using this approach to test and purchase software.If you like the program, the publisher asks you to pay for it on a voluntary basis. Or if you decide after trying it you don’t like the program, the publisher asks you to stop using it.

 

An advantage to the company is they save a lot of money on marketing, packaging, and retail distribution, not to mention  the expense involved in developing software that actually works. A disadvantage is that many people cheat by using the software without paying for it. In the adding insult to injury department, some people use the software, don’t pay for it, and then complain about it not working.

 

 

There are many variations. Some companies release so-called “cripple ware.” Programs slide down the information superhighway to your cpu on little wheelchairs or limp across your screen on crutches, or even lie there on your hard drive not even moving at all.

My public radio station is having a “pledge drive.” Public radio and listener-supported community radio stations such as the Pacifica Radio stations in five cities across the United States and several in the Puget Sound area also have pledge drives.

Because I sometimes listen to such stations in the Puget Sound area, they ask me to help pay for it. Thinking about these request, and my wife’s and my concern about our financial future, and the value I put on the programs I get on public radio, I calculated I should put a dollar in an envelope and send it to my public radio station. I won’t even waste some volunteer’s time by calling in and saying, “I pledge one dollar.”

Romance and sexual relations sometimes work on a shareware basis. In the traditional paradigm, the man wants sex and the woman wants him to marry her first to prove he will support her and her children financially. The archetype of this type of shareware is the 1740 British novel Pamela.

This type of shareware raises many questions, such as “How many of us have an MRI machine in the bedroom?”

Actually, at least one couple does. (I am not making this up.)

You have never seen REAL pornography until you have seen an MRI scan of people having sexual relations.

On most days, one of the first things I do is read David Rochester’s blogs. For one thing, I want to see if he is still alive.

The danger is so acute; an entire university has been created just to keep him alive.

He educates me culturally. Once the University of Rochester convinced him not to kill himself, he became a culture coach for one of the largest credit unions in the country, the ESL Credit Union in Rochester, New York.

On the  World Wide Web I found:

“We hired a Member Focus culture coach to work on the front-line with our managers, helping them develop their own coaching skills.”

Obviously, David is such a dynamic and magnetic personality it is no wonder that the third largest city in New York State has been named after him.

I am inspired, tickled, amused, amazed and outraged every week by David’s creative work. What have I given back to express my appreciation or done to support him? (Except come up with a cockamamie and useless plan to mate him with a woman as crazy as he is thousands of miles away.)

I have decided to pay a shearwear fee to David. David, if you email me an address where I can actually reach you, I will mail you a buck a week to encourage you to keep up your work. It’s not much, but a dollar a week will help keep cats in catnip, or something. And if I can get a few other people to join in…

There are obviously hundreds of people reading David’s blogs daily. The latest post on his secret blog has 44 comments when last I looked.  Isn’t it worth a buck a week to you as well, not-so-gentle reader?

I’m starting a Pledge Creep for David Rochester. Creeps can send send small unmarked bills in plain envelopes. To provide greater security and privacy for David, perhaps he should open up an account at the ESL credit union in Rochester, New York. How can David set up an account at this credit union on the East coast when he lives in Portland?

I looked at the eligibility requirements. Members of the the Greater Rochester Association of REALTORS® are eligible to join. I looked at the application forms for the Association; nowhere did it say members actually have to live in Rochester. I am going to work on this. Thoughts are crawling across my brain on their little creeper boards. I will post more as soon as a thought or two actually arrives.

In the meantime, David, email me an address where I can make my $1 a week donation to support your blog.

In honor of cripple wear:

Cripple Creek

 

I got a girl and she loves me

She’s as sweet as she can be

She got eyes of baby blue

Makes my gun shoot straight and true

 

Goin’ up Cripple Creek

Goin’ on a run

Goin’ up Cripple Creek

to have a little fun

Goin’ in a whirl,

Goin’ up Cripple Creek

To see my girl

 

Cripple Creek’s wide and Cripple Creek’s deep

I’ll wade old Cripple Creek before I sleep

Roll my britches up to my knees,

I’ll wade old Cripple Creek when I please

 

Repeat Chorus

 

I went down to Cripple Creek

To see what them girls had to eat

I got drunk and fell against the wall

Old corn liquor was the cause of it all

 

Repeat Chorus

 

Well I married a wife in the month of June

I married her up by the light of the moon

We live down on Cripple Creek

We’ve been there about a week

 

Repeat Chorus

 

I got a gal at the head of the creek

And I’m goin’ down to see her ’bout the middle of the week

Kiss her on mouth just as sweet as any wine

Wraps herself around me like a sweet potato vine

 

 

 

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13 Responses to “ShearWear PledgeCreep”


  1. What with one thing and another, I laughed until I was actually in pain at this entry. I had no idea that there was an entire university dedicated to my preservation. I don’t know whether to be grateful or annoyed.

    Plus: Why do songs like that have such bizarre lyrics?

  2. modestypress Says:

    I checked my email this morning, hoping to find a snail mail address of where to send a dollar.

    Nothing.

    There’s a dollar in my wallet, burning a hole in my pocket.

    Speaking of bizarre lyrics:

    There’s a Hole in the Bucket
    Traditional

    (Boys)
    There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

    (Girls)
    So fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    So fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

    With what should I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    With what should I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

    With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.

    But the straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

    So cut it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    So cut it dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it!

    With what should I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    With what should I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

    Use the hatchet, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    Use the hatchet, dear Henry, the hatchet.

    But the hatchet’s too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    The hatchet’s too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

    So, sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    So sharpen it dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it!

    With what should I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    With what should I sharpen, dear Liza, with what?

    Use the stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    Use the stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, the stone.

    But the stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

    So wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    So wet it dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

    With what should I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    With what should I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

    With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, water.

    With what should I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    With what should I carry it dear Liza, with what?

    Use the bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
    Use the bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, the bucket!

    There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

  3. modestypress Says:

    From wikipedia:

    The song incorporates an infinite-loop motif. In order to fix the leaky bucket, one needs straw. To cut straw, one needs an axe. To sharpen the axe, one needs a stone. In order to wet the stone, one needs water. But when asked how one would get the water, the answer is “in a bucket” (implied to mean the only one available – the leaky bucket which, if it could carry water, wouldn’t be in need of repair in the first place).

    The above strikes me as some sort of metaphor about David’s therapy for DID.

    Anyway, where do I send the dollar, David?

    Everybody else, how many of you are will to creep a dollar a week to encourage and support David’s blogging? I am serious about this.

  4. David Says:

    An infinite-loop motif, indeed! I can’t remember my PO Box address, but when I find it (it’s one of those places I know how to get to, but don’t know the address of, offhand) I will let you know.

  5. Pete Says:

    I found the MRI article most interesting. And who did that song? I would like to hear it.

  6. modestypress Says:

    David,

    I eagerly await. There is a dollar burning a hole in my wallet.

    Pete,

    The MRI article is indeed interesting. Would I link to a boring article? (In a word, yes, I would.)

    “Cripple Creek” has been performed by Earl Scruggs and by The Band. Search on Google for links to Utube recordings.

    Hole in the Bucket was performed by Odetta and by Harry Belafonte

  7. Average Jane Says:

    Now that you mention it, I guess that is why I read David’s blog first thing every morning too.

  8. Average Jane Says:

    Also I bet even if he went and killed himself, he’d still write a post a day.

  9. modestypress Says:

    Yes, Jane, it would be a modern version of an American folk tale such as the “Legend of Sleepy Hollow.”

    http://folktalesmyths.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_legend_of_sleepy_hollow

    The Ghost Who Posts Every Day.


  10. Well, David only posts once a week, Mr. Random (and sometimes I hold my breath waiting for him to comment, for just the same reason as you and AJ). I would definitely pay a dollar a week, though. Which is more than PBS has gotten out of me lately.

  11. truce Says:

    I know the tune to that song – my Mum used to sing it to us when we were little and walking back from the shops, tired and cold. I seem to remember that the words should go: “There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza”, not “the bucket”. A tragic lament, if ever there was one.

    I, too, read David’s blog first thing in the morning and I am always pleased that I did. I’m not good at exchange rates (got a nasty shock yesterday when sending my usual amount back to the UK to find that it would cost me $1485 AUD rather than $1120 AUD as in the previous few months though), so I have no idea what the equivalent of US $1 would be in AUD.

    But, in the spirit of the poker-playing pirate which I feel David to be, I will up the ante and pledge $5 AUD a week if a suitable way can be found for it to be transferred from here to there. (I can make electronic direct funds transfers, but for no less that $100 AUD at a time, so I may have to pay in arrears)

    🙂

  12. David Rochester Says:

    I’m amazed at everyone’s generosity, and thinking that Jane is quite correct; my death probably wouldn’t affect my blog writing very much.


  13. Mr Random, I need that PO Box number. . . or failing that, yours! 🙂


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