The Scheharazade Pledge

October 18, 2008

To summarize the premiums in David’s pledge drive so far:

For $1 I will ask Random Granddaughter to thank you as she eats a wholesome snack. Perhaps a sesame seed stick. And a brownie for fluffy.

I will also ask Sylvie, the universe’s most lovable cat. to purr for you as I pet her. Sylvie and fluffy purring together should create a mighty roar.

These premiums are only good until November 11, when I will be taking care of RG and visiting Sylvie at the same time.

You also get a coupon good for $1 off a Pledge product. I don’t know how long that premium will be available, so I suggest you go to the Pledge web site and take advantage of it.

On public radio pledge drives, some people actually make $100 pledges. On this drive, I doubt that David will open an envelope some day and find it stuffed with 100 $1 bills. For one thing, the postage would add up. And how many people have one one hundred dollar bill sitting around saying, “Mail me to David!” so I doubt that condensed method will work, either.

So pledges and collections will have to be based on money accumulating a little at a time. About $5 at time feels right to me, as that is what I did. (I mailed $5 to David last week.)

I figure it will take to the end of the year for us to reach a hundred dollars, and the premium will have to be collective to everyone who contributes.

Also, the premium I am envisioning depends on David cooperating. I am something of an expert on this topic. I am married to a person whose personality is much like David’s.

My wife hates having anybody else-especially her husband-tell her what to do. It seems quite likely David is similar. Though I am not his husband, but you get the point, I trust.

Nevertheless, I will run it up the flagpole.

David has been reluctant to talk to Debbie, his therapist, about his continual thinking and scheming about committing suicide. When the pledgeware contributions actually accumulate to $100, I think as a premium, David should actually talk to Debbie about the topic of his suicidal thinking.

This is a high risk premium. Instead of talking about this issue, David may decide to actually end his life.That would certainly teach his therapist a lesson, not to mention us.

While this would perhaps bring a brief, intense thrill to the rest of us, I don’t think this is an option likely to lead to long term satisfaction.

Well, there’s nothing to do but plod ahead. Send in your dollar, or five dollars to David.

The address for your contributions is

“David Rochester”

4803 SE Woodstock, #202
Portland OR 97206

David is standing by waiting to open your envelope. Consider it this way, as long as there is an expectation of an envelope arriving the next day to open with money inside, David may choose to live another day. If each person reading this has a blog and has an interesting tale to tell on your blog for David to read, that offers another incentive to David to live. Perhaps I will call this the Scheharazade Pledge.

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21 Responses to “The Scheharazade Pledge”


  1. Well, one way I may be different from your wife is that while I don’t like being told what to do, I will usually take a bet. So I accept your terms — if we manage to hit $100, I’ll have the talk with Debbie. My agreeing to do this is perhaps indicative of how well I think your scheme is going to work.

    I also commit to something you didn’t suggest, which is that all funds received are earmarked for the “Continuing Therapy Despite Economic Crisis” fund. While a dollar here and there won’t pay for a session, it will help to pay for the gas to get me there (it’s a bit of a drive, unfortunately) and/or to pay for the cookie I always need afterward. There’s just nothing like an hour of severe mental stress to induce carb cravings, let me tell ya.

  2. modestypress Says:

    That was fast. lol

    You can always hitchhike to your therapy session. This might be an unusual and original way to commit suicide.

    Many years ago–I was but a mere child–I was riding in a car driven by my Aunt Rose near Monterrey, California and we picked up a hitchhiker. He told us he was an FBI agent. I am not making this up. If I could make stuff like that up I would be a big time successful writer.

  3. David Rochester Says:

    Ooooh, I love the hitchhiking idea. And since I’m so respectable looking I’d never get picked up, since of course all serial killers look respectable and nice, like Ted Bundy. So then I could bemoan the fact that even a dirty vagrant is a more appealing car-mate than I am.

    I see endless possibilities here.


  4. My pledge went in the mail today — I bumped it up a dollar because of being promised RG would eat brownies with nuts for me. That’s worth it to me, and besides, I’ll get it back in pledge wipes. Also, I have like a year and a half or maybe two years of posts to catch up on paying for.

    David — I’d offer to send a tin of restorative cookies, but I’m sure mine aren’t as good as yours. 🙂

  5. Average Jane Says:

    I am considering sending in my dollar or rather rupee but I am wondering if this is not just a ploy hatched by you and David to collect money from us gullible bloggers..hmmm. We do so all adore David that we will fall for anything. Is David really truly going to be waiting there for my rupee..is making me get goosebumps! Do I have the power to keep him alive with my humble rupee? I will have to settle for that because if he started reading my tales, it would push him to premature suicide and we wouldn’t want that, would we?

  6. modestypress Says:

    Premature suicide? Is there a mature suicide?

    As I am a very immature person (64 years old going on 15) I am not mature enough to evaluate this question.

    David, you must stick around long enough to see if I grow up.

    Also, can David pay for his can of Pledge in rupees?

    SC Johnson, the manufacturer of Pledge has an office in New Delhi. I am not sure how this information helps the pledge drive.

  7. pandemonic Says:

    My check is in the mail.

    What do I get for $10? For $25? For $100?


  8. […] is in the Mail Posted on October 19, 2008 by pandemonic Mr. Random Name is hosting a  Scheharazade Pledge for cyber world’s famous David Rochester. So far, an unofficial poll of pledges finds that […]

  9. modestypress Says:

    pandemonic,

    This is a communist pledge drive. The premiums, such as David talking to his therapist, are shared by everyone.

    I am assuming that you, like most people, are pledging no more than a dollar a week. If you are pledging $100 at a time, I will have to work on coming up with a marvelous individual premium.

    You have indicated a wish to have a pledge drive in your name. At the moment, I can only handle one drive at a time. I will certainly make you the next on my list.

    Also, I have heard various radio personalities say, “I have a face for radio,” to explain why they are not broadcasting on television.

    As David has informed us that he is ugly and repulsive I am running this much like a public radio pledge drive. On the other hand, I envision you as surpassingly beautiful, so when I run your pledge drive, it will be more like a public television pledge drive. In fact, we might have a calendar, featuring you. Have you ever seen the movie Calendar Girls.


  10. AJ may have hit on something — I do read her tales, and usually more than once, but I don’t comment because they are so emotionally unsettling. Maybe instead of contributing a rupee, AJ could write something more cheerful.

    And Mr. R — Pan is indeed quite the babe.

  11. Corina Says:

    I have two bags full of cans and bottles that I have to take in for the deposit. I guess I can manage to send in a pledge out of my deposit money. How fitting, too. It’s sort of a deposit on David’s longevity!

  12. truce Says:

    I hate that I miss all the good stuff over the weekend.

    I’m going to the post office this afternoon, to post my tax return. I will see if I can find somewhere to change some Aussie Dollars into US dollars, too, and post them off to Portland since I would far rather pay David than the Australian government.

    😉

  13. Shawn W Says:

    Adding write a check and go to the post office to my To Do List for tomorrow.

  14. Average Jane Says:

    I guess David can actually stick around to see if I write anything cheerful someday.I am getting there I think. Maybe you can all pay me that dollar instead. Have you considered that, Mr.Random, that maybe I need a dollar too and then I might write more cheerful stuff and David will read that and be full of good cheer and bonhomie? Same purpose achieved and two souls saved in the bargain.

  15. modestypress Says:

    Average Jane,

    Pandemonic is ahead of you on my list of people to add to the pledge drive list. Though as I practice and develop skill, I may be able to do two pledge drives at once. I am counting chickens before they hatch. You are now #3 or #2B as things develop.

    I do look forward to reading your pleasant posts, though it may be that David actually looks forward to your posts in their gloomy beauty and they actually cheer him up–cheer him down?


  16. […] And he likes me.  Or — little cats like me.  Really, all kinds of cats.   We should all like other cats, and try not to bite them mostly, and share some of our toys.   […]

  17. pandemonic Says:

    I’d be so honored if I could get a pledge drive. Look what money has done for Barack Obama!

  18. Tigereye Says:

    Let me know if this works. All money can be sent directly to either my landlord or the gas company…

  19. teaspoon Says:

    According to Google Maps, we are sending our pledge drive dollars either to the UPS Store or H&R Block in Portland. Well, I guess they probably need a boost too.


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