New Permanent First Post of Blog for 2009–July Edition

January 4, 2009

I haven’t figured out what to do for David in July. I may send a great white shark to his house to tell him to get his act together. However, while the shark is looking for a place to park, David may be able to escape. In the meantime, to encourage David to keep living and keep posting his entertaining blogs, make a shareware contribution to him at the address listed below.

Send your contributions in small, unmarked bills, to

“David Rochester”

4803 SE Woodstock, #202

Portland OR 97206


However, David’s cat, Little Liu, will defend him against the great white. In a battle between a great white shark and Little Liu, which would win? Send your answer to David, wrapped in a $5 bill.

31 Responses to “New Permanent First Post of Blog for 2009–July Edition”

  1. I particularly like the category tags.

  2. pandemonic Says:

    I intend on sending David a big pile of unmarked bills. That’s because I have a job for him to do. If he/I am successful, he will get a big tip, too.

  3. modestypress Says:

    David, you are supposed to. I figure my efforts on your behalf will either help you or kill you. With friends like me, you hardly need enemies.

    Pan, is your scheme a phony Ponzi scheme, also? Can two phony schemes occupy the same space at the same time?

  4. Average Jane Says:

    I am actually fascinated by your pledge drive thing and your persistence though, yes, I do completely fail to understand the humourous persistence bit..maybe it is a cultural thing.I wish I had the money to reward your persistence but I don’t. I am spending it all on making my very own bomb shelter and spanking new bullet proof evening gown.I am sure you will understand.

  5. pandemonic Says:

    Mr. Random. My scheme is not a scheme, but is actual work, for which Mr. Rochester gave me a God’s honest quote that beat the pants off anything else I was quoted, with the possible exception of offers of freebies.

    I wish I had a piece of that Ponzi though. It would come in handy.

  6. Pan —

    Watch out, or I might have to change my quote. 🙂

    (Kidding. I’m as good as my word, of course.)

  7. modestypress Says:

    I have no idea what is going on. After I see RG on Saturday, I will probably be more so. I will probably sign the deed of our house over to her before she heads back into town.

  8. pandemonic Says:

    Are you still under a snowdrift, Mr. R? I heard that Washington State is closer to the frozen Tundra now than I am. Perhaps it is just a shifting of the poles…

  9. modestypress Says:


    We are now under a flood. Washington is getting as much rain as if we had a hurricane. Fortunately, we have not had as much wind as a hurricane, but even so, driving has been terrifying. The highway to Portland has been closed and there are no nearby side roads open. We are trapped.

  10. Tarts Says:

    Good luck on your mission to either save david or destroy him. P.S. I have no money because of ummmm ummm the ummm reccession yeah thats it.

  11. modestypress Says:


    Thank you for dropping in with a message. I understand about the money; we are all scratching for pennies, but if at some point you come up with $1.42 you don’t need to feed the wolf at the door consider sending it to David.

  12. Tarts may also note that I like candles, and so if she wants to send me some, she can.

  13. Thank you for February’s $5 and LOL. I will reward your generosity by not running away from Beth until March at the earliest.

  14. Average Jane Says:

    David, I know this joke about candles and nuns. I will send you that instead.

  15. Average Jane Says:

    Hmm.. I know that doesn’t sound good but I swear it is a very innocent joke.

  16. I’m in a quandary about how much to send. Were I to send a monetary amount equal the amusement I derive from David’s blog, it would have to be a briefcase of large bills.

  17. modestypress Says:


    There is a multiplier effect at work. In basic, boring economics, every time you spend a dollar at a store, it sends ripples through the economy as people spend and respend it. Many people benefit because you bought a hair ornament, or a bunch of grapes, or a CD.

    In David’s case, the multiplier effect is much greater. Many people read David’s agonizing and inspiring posts and post words of encouragement and appreciation, 🙂 smiley faces and {} hugs. As a person who was not loved as a child and grew up thinking no one would appreciate, admire, or love him, these virtual gestures are valuable and useful.

    However, when David goes to his Portland drop box and finds a letter inside, with some money, this is so real, so tangible, so sincere, so genuine, David’s heart gets a real boos and takes a real leap.

    Your $5 in a real envelope with a real stamp is worth a $1000 of virtual icons (which are nice, but a bit inflationary, rather like “falsies.”) Do not agonize about how much you can send; a single $5 bill is worth thousands in how much joy it brings to David’s recovering heart.

    David is in the midst of a genuine amour. This is occuring only because people such as you contributed with your words, your emoticons, and your real dollar bills. Thank you for reading this and thinking about this. Thanking you in advance for your shareware contribution. You are a wonderful person.

  18. Average Jane Says:

    *Sighing happily*..Ah, our David in’s like seeing your baby grow up at last. How we have all waited for this day, eh, Mr.Random? And he managed it all on his own too!

  19. modestypress Says:

    Jane, that is so true. Even as far away as India, you can say (as Jenny used to say) FTL–feel the love. Even though it is tragic love.

    How do I know it is tragic love?

    Even this morning, as my insomnia drove me from my bed, I read that Portland, Oregon is America’s most depressed city. Yes, indeed, the very Portland where David feels the first blooms of love warming the cold cockles of his heart, the very Portland where my wife and I lived for many years, where my daughter graduated from high school, where her out of law partner lived with us, yes indeed, from whence David nows shares with all of us all of us. Amist the following sinister icicles of gloom I found the sharpest dagger of all.

    America’s top 10 unhappiest cities
    1. Portland, Ore.
    Overall rank: 1
    Depression rank: 1
    Suicide rank: 12
    Crime (property and violent) rank: 24
    Divorce rate rank: 4
    Cloudy days: 222
    Unemployment rate (December 2008): 7.8%

    David’s love blooms among the ruins.

  20. pandemonic Says:

    Are you sure Portland is #1? What about where I live? Unemployment here is 10.6%. All those unemployed people are not using our services, which makes me quite depressed.

  21. Average Jane Says:

    You are just saying it’s tragic love because your matchmaking didn’t work out! Maybe David’s one love story will send Portland’s spirit zooming up.

  22. modestypress Says:


    I am not sure that Portland is really the most depressed city. That’s an opinion expressed by What do they know? It’s quite possible your tundra town is more depressed. In any case, it’s certainly a sign of depression that you feel competitive about it.


    I am not depressed that my matchmaking did not work out. It would have been worse if it had worked out. David would have ended up moving to Australia and little liu would have perished in a battle with one of the poisonous snakes or spiders that infest that continent. I am quite entranced and thrilled by David’s romance, whether it turns out to be a casual fling or a spectacular love affair for the ages.

    Serious: when I met David (as a blogger) he was convinced that no one would ever like him or love him for himself. I am a pretty good “talent scout” if I do say so myself, so I gradually recognized that he is a brilliant, kind, sweet, and lovable person, absolutely deserving of love, admiration, and affection.

    This is twice I have been correct in my talent scouting. First, in discovering my wife. Second, in discovering David. Few people are lucky enough to make such a discovery once in their life. I feel like a person who won the lottery twice.

  23. flit Says:

    aw come on…I suck at getting things into an actual mailbox…give us a break and post a paypal address

  24. modestypress Says:

    How much would it cost to set up a Paypal account? The overhead would kill me.

    I will give you points for style, though. I better stop before I say anything more and get myself in trouble.

  25. Stevo Says:

    Does this money need to be in US Dollars? While cleaning I found a stash of Thai Bhat that I have no use for.

  26. modestypress Says:


    Yes, please send David a stash of Thai Bhat. It sounds like something that a person could smoke, or something. At the least, I am sure that thte sudden arrival of a pile of “funny money” would inspire a wonderful David post on one of his blogs.

    Do it.

  27. lightbiz Says:

    Это больше похоже на положительную карму

  28. modestypress Says:

    According to Google (a computer that claims to speak Russian) comment 27 says (when translated to English):

    This is more like a positive karma

    However, I suspect it’s more like a positive spam whether in Russian or English. I doubt that David will receive a shareware payment of $5 in rubles.

    As John and Yoko said, “Instant karma will get you.”

    It’s not always instant, but as John Donne didn’t say, “Ask not whom the karma is coming; it’s on its way for all of us.”

    In the meantime, because David is happier than he has ever been (though being very talented, he can entertain you with how unhappy he is being happy) encourage him by contributing $5 so he can save for a bicycle built for two.

  29. I can’t wait to find out what the demand is. And I am always so amused by your LOLcat enclosures … which I pass on to the weasel.

  30. fed up Says:

    why do you persist in your boring writing on sending money to David. He is not the only person struggling, you appear to have a crush on him. I used to read his blog but you have put me off.

  31. modestypress Says:

    #30 fed up:

    Post a real postal mailing address that will take mail addressed to “fed up.” I will mail you one cent. It will cost me 44 cents to mail you one penny, but I will really do so. (Ask David if I follow through on my promises.)

    The other alternative (followed by everyone else who reads David’s blog and the few who follow my blog) is to ignore me. What part of “ignore me” don’t you understand?

    The other, other alternative is to start your own campaign to send money to someone else who is struggling. (Even you, if that is the case.)

    The other, other, other alternative–stop, that gives me an idea–the other alternative is to become one of David’s alters. Come to think of it, maybe you are!

    Also, David appears to be an avatar of my wife. (Or she is an avatar of David.) I have a “crush” on my wife.

    I could go on like this. Do you want me to?

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