Birthday Visit to RG (Part 2)

February 3, 2010

After the mommies and RG and I had lunch, Mama went back to studying her calculus and statistics, and Mommy went to the hardware store, and Random Granddaughter and I went to the library.

She selected some books, and then asked me to read them to her. Several of the books were about two little girls. One, named Brianna, is Asian, and the other, whose name is Jamaica, is black. RG is being raised to value diversity, living in a multi-racial urban neighborhood, having two mommies and two daddies (none of whom is married to any of the others), and having a crazy Grandpa. So don’t tell RG about your diversity because you don’t know diversity unless you are a science fiction child like RG.

The two girls seemed to be in kindergarten and always seemed to be having little human relations problems. If Oprah Winfrey wrote books for kindergarteners, these would be the books.

As RG is seriously considering being an artist, even though she is not allowed to send pictures to Auntie Woo in Australia, and is afraid to, because she is an introvert, she was interested in one of the stories. Jamaica is making a picture with marker pens. It is a very nice picture of a tree (brown pen) with leaves (green pen). The teacher brings over a little boy—I forget his name so I will call him Dudley Dingbat—and explains he doesn’t have any markers and asks Jamaica to lend him one. She lends him one, a blue one, with somewhat bad grace.

Dudley starts to draw a picture and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor. Then he starts to scribble all over Jamaica’s picture. She takes the picture home to her black mother and black daddy [that’s OK, but a multi-racial family would be diverser] and is very sad. Eventually it all gets sorted out Oprah style—the boy’s dad is moving because his dad got a new family, etc—you can find the book if you really care.


The interesting part is that Random Granddaughter told me that her best friend—whom I call BIP [for bad influence peer, and is the daughter of a billionaire] sometimes crumples up her pictures and throws them on the floor. This is interesting, because the mommies are not too enthusiastic about RG’s close relationship with BIP, partly because I had not been digging for this or asking leading questions–perhaps because BIP is a bratty extrovert and RG is a bratty introvert sidekick, perhaps because the mommies don’t have a lot of money and are afraid that RG—a child genius—or perhaps just a very smart little girl—will start to place too much value on money—though if BIP is fairly messed up, and it sounds to me as if she is—then RG may draw the right conclusions, perhaps before her hormones kick in, which may not happen until she is seven or eight or so—the right conclusions being that money alone will not make you happy. Though it is hard to know. If nothing else, some day RG may write a brilliant, successful memoir titled something like I Had Two Mommies, Two Daddies, A Crazy Grandpa, and a Very Messed Up Heiress as a Best Friend in Kindergarten, and make a lot of money, appear on television to tell her story to Oprah’s god-granddaughter and be a messed up science fiction child. Your mileage may vary.

10 Responses to “Birthday Visit to RG (Part 2)”

  1. Norwichrocks Says:

    Ah, children’s books are mostly twaddle today.

    These ones, however, are BRILLIANT and irreverent:

    • modestypress Says:

      Are norwichrocks cuter than Puget Sound rocks?

      Anyway, I think it’s time for 6 year old Random Granddaughter to expand her vocabulary. Twaddle would be a good one; whinge would be another good word for her to incorporate.

      We have been purchasing books for RG’s birthday; perhaps I will blog about it. I will look at the list which looks marvelous.

      This is an area where we have to tread very carefully. For example, Mommy suggested Anne Geddes, who is Australian, I think. Although Mrs. Random and I disagree more often than we agree, Ms. Geddes’ work inspires both of us to either throw up, suggest that she shipped to headhunters in New Guinea, or used as bait for starving great white sharks.

      On the other hand, the mommies are serious adherents of good for you twaddle in children’s literature. And it may be good for you twaddle is good nutrition for this high strung child’s development. Though, I can imagine good for you twaddle leading RG to run away to Grandma and Grandpa at the age of 6. Hard to say.

  2. Pete Says:

    NOBODY can construct a sentence like you can Random. That was a true work of art! 131 words in one sentence, and that doesn’t even count the punctuation, and i think it was even grammatically correct! Maybe YOU should be the one writing children’s books, and we’ll use Ann Geddes for sharkbait.

    • modestypress Says:

      Pete, I remember looking at that sentence and thinking, “This sentence does not pass the ‘does this guy have dementia’ test; maybe I should edit this post”; but then I decided not to and sure enough Pete caught me out on it.

      Oh, well, you are fairly tolerant with me Pete. Perhaps you won’t tell everybody I am suffering from Alzheirmer’s Disease just yet. Anyway, I have to get my taxes done. There is a complicated story there, but I may spare everyone.

      • modestypress Says:

        Also, I should add that just a few minutes ago, my wife and I were working on the chicken house. We are trying to square the foundation and level the foundation. We are not very level and very square.

        When the chicks arrive, we will tell them how hard we worked trying to build a good, solid chicken house for them. They will say, “Cluck, cluck.”

  3. modestypress Says:

    Also, I will have to ask the mommies if Random Granddaughter is allowed to read the Cat in the Hat yet. Though once she reads that, it’s only a tiny step to Lolita, don’t you know?

  4. spectrum2 Says:

    “Bad influence peer”-wonderful!

  5. This whole thing is classic, but the final line really put it over the edge for me. Bravo.

    • modestypress Says:

      The Ernst Becker Foundation, a very morbid organization indeed, says that most humans, more or less driven mad by our knowledge of our own mortality, dedicate our lives to “immortality projects,” efforts to do meaningful activities that will make us live on in the memories of other people, as this is probably the best we can do to gain immortality.

      I am collecting all my Random Granddaughter tales and storing them where my survivors can find them and pass them on to RG some day.

      She will skim through them and tell best friend Mia or best friend Bad Influence Peer, “Remember my Grandpa. Good thing I am not genetically related to him; he really was crazy.”

      She will then feed her pet platypus.

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