Medical Lunacy

April 21, 2010

Dental Worries.

It makes me nervous when things go well. My wife was very worried about a sore tooth. (Actually, she is very worried we will go broke now that we don’t have dental insurance, but this is how she expresses her financial fears. On the other hand, she spends lots of money on compost for the garden, sunflower seeds for the bird feeder, and she just brought home a big bag of chicken feed for the baby chicks that have not hatched yet.)

Anyway, the dentist told her she doesn’t have a terrible dental disaster and there is a cheap fix. However, she is not to drink anything hot or chew anything crunchy for a day or so. She is much relieved because she was expecting to have to write a check which would cause her gums to bleed all the way home.

Blood Pressure Worries.

My blood pressure, after being much better for several years, has started creeping up. However, my doctor told me he had taken me off a medication because he was worried that my blood pressure might go to low.

However, my HMO’s computer has gone bonkers. It has been sending me late bills now for six months (with polite notes that say, in more discreet language) Our computer is bonkers and we don’t know how to fix it.

It just sent me a notice that I need another colonoscopy. I had one two years ago. At the time, they told me, “You don’t need another one for five years.”

I just emailed my doctor and told him where he can put his colonoscopy. Actually, I was very polite, but I did say I had just gotten used to pricking myself once a week to draw blood to test my insulin level, and wasn’t quite ready to move to the next level of senior self abuse. I also asked him if there was a light at the end of the tunnel in regard to the HMO’s computer problems?

I now have joked with the eye surgeon who did my cataract surgery. In fact, years ago, I joked with the surgeon who did my vasectomy. I frequently joke with my dentist. Just to get ready, does anybody know any good colonoscopy jokes? Clean ones, please.

Losing My Mind Worries

I have graduated from sending $5 & $10 CAREing postal mail packages to people such as David, Waxing Strange, and an evangelical Christian (who is losing her husband and her house) to working on a present for a certain lady in Australia (or somewhere in that part of the world). However, today I stopped at the United States Post Office to look into shipping and customs and other inconvenient details. I am now in a state of shock. My present may have to travel by iceberg or penguin or Great White Shark. It may also take years to get there. Don’t hold your breath, dear lady. I am 66 years old and I don’t remember what I am doing from one day to the next.

2 Responses to “Medical Lunacy”

  1. Norwichrocks Says:

    1) Nothing worse than a nagging toothache – except when accompanied by the nagging suspicion that fixing it will cost you an arm and a leg.

    2) I always joke with my hairdresser. Which explains a great deal, now that I come to think of it.

    3) Shipping to Australia is absurdly overpriced. May I suggest we establish a relay team of carrier pigeons? At least they can still fly whilst apocalyptic volcanoes spew ash across the globe…

  2. modestypress Says:


    1.) The “new and improved” American health care (up to now the worst health care in the developed world) has not kicked in yet, and may not, as it looks like the efforts to implement it may set off a new “civil” war.

    2.) My hairdresser, with whom I joked a lot, has gone missing, though I have seen her skulking around. It is all very mysterious and complicated. It may result in a long blog post.

    3.) My Uncle-in-Law Donald lives in Australia (now a widower after my Aunt Naomi died. There ought to be some way this could solve the problem, but it does not help. Though it reminds me my uncle sent me a work of partly baked philosphy he wants me to comment on and I have been procrastinating.

    I think you might find the present hilarious, if it ever gets there, and I am often hilariously wrong about what I think others will find hilarious.

    Your friend in international misunderstanding and confusion.

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