Speaking of Cannibals…

May 5, 2010

I wrote a comment to a earlier post in reply to Kim that covers the some of the following. My wife and I are “cat” people as opposed to “dog” people. When I was young, I was allergic to cats, though I am less allergic to them now than I was. As my wife grew older, she became more allergic to cats.

As my wife and I both came from unhappy families, we did not intend to have children when we got married. Despite our taking precautions, my wife became pregnant on our honeymoon. How quaint that sounds today! Anyway, it is possible having a baby saved our young and shaky marriage. (Do not try this at home!)

Besides our allergies, we decided that we were selfish, self-centered people not well-suited to being parents. We decided we did not have enough generosity, kindness, and patience for two little creatures. “Pet or child, choose one,” we told ourselves. Our daughter turned out to be an excellent child, so we decided to keep her. We also realized that it is quite frequent to only get one or two good ones in a human litter; so we decided to quite while we were ahead. We only one had one child. Eventually I had a vasectomy. We never had a pet in 44 years of married life.

Finally, following the example of our fine and Friendly Neighbors, we decided to get chickens. We brought four baby chicks home. One was not thriving. Chickens are cute (especially Dominiques, the breed we chose, a breed that likes to be picked up and petted). They are useful, delivering a nutritious and tasty food, the egg. However, they do not have especially good family values, and sibling rivalry can get ugly indeed.

Whiny was not thriving. Her name became “Poopy Butt.” Her three sisters were pecking her. My wife said, “She is not going to make it. I do not want Eenie, and Minie, and Moe to get in the habit of pecking each other.”

My wife caught Poopy Butt. She put her in an paper cone. She handed me a knife, turned her head, and wept, while I did the deed. Speaking of cannibals. I hope David is not reading this post; he is kind of a softie.

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6 Responses to “Speaking of Cannibals…”

  1. Karen O Says:

    Poor little Poopy Butt! I’m sure you did the deed as quickly as possible.

  2. the Mother Says:

    Pets v. Kids. Yeah, that’s a very good plan. But like a sucker, I fell for the doe-eyed looks and pleas and got a dog.

    Who is now my dog.

    I’m not ready to strangle her today. But if I get there (again), I’ll send her your way.

  3. modestypress Says:

    Hi, Mother. Welcome to my little blog. My daughter and her partner don’t like dogs. Naturally, Random Granddaughter wants to have a dog. Perhaps we will get a big dog to catch the rabbits and chase the deer away, which will irritate our daughter immensely. (Though as she is a wonderful daughter and visits uw without whining, would be a dumb and self-destructive action on our part.)

  4. Karen O Says:

    I’ll bet that if The Mommies allow RG to have a dog, they will fall in love with it. Dogs are wonderful!

    My daughter, Chrissy, used to not want a dog & be kind of afraid of dogs. Then she had the opportunity to get to know a couple dogs. She still considers herself a bit more of a cat person, but she loves our puppies!

    In fact, she wants to keep for herself the one – Stella – who technically belongs to her older sister, & needs a new home.


  5. Kindly though I am, I would have little compunction about killing any animal who had fairly earned the nickname “Poopy Butt.” And if my parents ever get to that point, they’d better watch their backs.

  6. modestypress Says:

    Carefully wiping my butt, and then covering it.


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